In the days of fairy tales and happily ever after, I dreamed of finding that right guy who I would marry and grow old with. Marriages last forever in my family. Grandpa and Grandma Taylor were married over 50 years before Grandpa passed away. Ma and Pa, my great grandparents on my mom's side were married around 80 years. My parents will be celebrating their 50th anniversary this coming January. The thought of divorce, the failure of my marriage was not a consideration in the least. Then I met Kenny. I was 16 at the time and smitten. Over the next couple of years we fought his mother who didn't want him dating, we got engaged, and finally got married. Then real life set in. Turns out that dreams and wishes will not get you through.
Our first daughter, Ashley, was born 8 1/2 months after we married. As I said, her name was Ashley, not Emily. Kenny hated that name. Over the next 4 years, we had two more daughters, Kristy and Olivia. Each time, I was fought tooth and nail over their names. I did not have the backbone at the time to stand up for what I wanted. I lived with the reality of $40 a week to buy groceries for five people while he spent $700 on a carburetor for a car he was wanting to fix up. I lived with the reality of finding out his new girlfriend was pregnant and he was planning to propose, before we had even filed for divorce. His first time taking the girls he took them with him to pick out the ring. This reality, I did not see coming.
After the divorce, I started dating again, a guy I met through my work. He is a farmer, amazing guy. He is one of the most respectful and honorable men I have ever met, a close 2nd to my husband. ; ) Most importantly, he adored the girls and they adored him. In hindsight, it got too serious too soon for the girls, so after 6 years, it was clear it just wasn't going to work.
Not too long after that, I met Todd. Todd and I had more in common than we wanted to. We both had been married to people who told us who they wanted us to be. We weren't encouraged to follow our dreams and discover who we were meant to be. He was so disillusioned after his marriage that one night, when we were discussing how serious our feelings for each other were, he stated that he really couldn't tell me he loved me because he really didn't believe in that word anymore. I was very nervous as "the test" was approaching... what were the girls going to think of him? Well, they loved him as much as I was falling in love with him. We have been together 4 years now, coming up on our 1st anniversary. I finally found my Prince Charming. I went through a lot to get here, and learned more along the way. Did you know even Prince Charming can't be perfect??? WHO KNEW??? Well, now I know. It's refreshing to be respected and loved for my faults and it's easy to respect and love him despite his.
We bought our first house together shortly before our wedding and guess what? IT HAS A BASEMENT! Still don't know why this is such a big deal, LOL. It's a small house, but more than big enough for us. It was built at a time when craftsmanship meant something, so there are some very cool details around the house. More than that, it is the first place I've lived since 18 that actually feels like home. My first place was a duplex and the 2nd was a mobile home. Both were temporary and felt as such. Along with Todd and the house came 2 cats! And a dog. And even though the dog is 10 times the size of the cats, they are definitely the boss!
I am 38 years old, and for the first time, I'm figuring out who I really am. The directions I want my life to go, the things I want to accomplish, etc. This is a really exciting time for me and I can't wait to meet the woman that is on the other side. I'm just getting to know her, but so far, she's more than I could have ever wished to be.
You inspire me to not give up
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